


What we can be

by SillyNonnyFicsAreForFandoms



Series: Sequor Suspirium [7]
Category: ActuallyStephen, DanPlan, actuallyoddplan
Genre: Alpha Stephen, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bonding Marks, Dates, Finally, Flashback sexual assault, Flashbacks, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, Mild Language, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Omega Hosuh, Uhm, With Rescue, Worldbuilding, Y'all know I suck at tags by now, accidental confessions, no beta we die like men, picnic dates, ruined dates, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23844856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SillyNonnyFicsAreForFandoms/pseuds/SillyNonnyFicsAreForFandoms
Summary: Hosuh was too embarrassed to talk about what happened during his heat. Stephen didn't want to talk about it. But now, the madness was building up inside of them, craving one another on a level that began to take over their entire lives. They had resolved themselves to the fact that they needed to keep it inside, to never speak of it to one another, until it simply became too much.
Relationships: Hosuh Lee/Stephen Ng
Series: Sequor Suspirium [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1637188
Comments: 25
Kudos: 57





	1. What we can be

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, here we are. This is the last fic I had planned in this series. I'm so inexplicably grateful for everyone who's read these fics, be it from just mild interest in one of the oneshots to reading every chapter of every fic in this series. You guys will forever be in my hearts, and this fic series holds such special memories for me. I love each and every one of you; thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Stephen didn’t want to talk about what happened during the time during Hosuh’s heat. Oh, it had been absolutely wonderful, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that there was something more behind his friend’s feral actions. He hadn’t expected Hosuh of all people to fall to his natural instincts, clinging to him and refusing to let Jay touch him. It had happened briefly during his heat, preferring Stephen to essentially mate him without the bite while Jay assisted him otherwise.

The thought definitely did not make him blush. Absolutely not. No way in hell. 

It had been almost a full week since they left the facility, and Stephen was starting to think he had a problem. He couldn’t think properly when around the omega anymore, his inner alpha screaming out whenever he got close to him, demanding to hold the omega down and mate him then and there. The wolf had gotten a taste, now it wanted the whole damn feast. He couldn’t stop thinking about Hosuh during the heat, pressed up against him on the bed as they lazily kissed, eyes nearly white for the duration. 

_ “Stephen, Stephen, Stephen...”  _

He really couldn’t think straight. Every time he made eye contact with the omega the same thoughts ran through his head, remembering the time they’d spent together. He’d been so. Damn. Cute. So good, so perfect, and Hosuh didn’t even remember it. It seemed that Hosuh did remember the brief time after his heat passed where he’d fallen to his instincts, as after they’d driven home Hosuh leaned in, pressed a quick kiss to Stephen’s cheek with a small whisper of thanks and apologies before rushing inside with a very small limp.

There was no way he could measure how much his wolf preened at the sight of the omega limping because of the near week of heat. Until the thought that Hosuh could get  _ pregnant  _ despite the use of birth control hit him and dread settled in. He kept searching for changes to the omega’s scent over the next week, trying to sense any difference which might indicate what he feared. Then, he realized the day prior, it would take up to a month before his scent would change. No use worrying about it now.

Currently, the omega was seated on the couch, his semester having ended earlier than Daniel, Stephen and Jay’s. Stephen was just coming home from work, slightly exhausted and knowing they would be recording come the weekend, but for now he had the whole house with Hosuh until Daniel’s classes ended around eight. So far, he’d been doing well at dancing around the topic of the heat, but the second he walked into the living room the scent of his friend hit him like a ton of bricks.

It was the same scent from during his heat, the same deep sweet notes intoxicating him just as it did then. There was no way that Hosuh was in heat again already, was there? 

“Uhh… Hosuh? What the hell?” He said, covering his nose to keep from losing his damn mind over the insanely good scent. One would think he’d have gone nose blind to it, but that would be wrong. If anything, the heat had only made him more sensitive somehow.

“What? Is something wrong?” Hosuh asked, looking up from his laptop which he’d been typing away on. Now that Stephen got a good look at him, he realized where the scent was coming from. Hosuh was wearing the same damn clothes he’d worn when his heat hit, and though he knew the clothes had been washed since then, it wasn’t enough to fully get the scent out. Which gave the tinge to Hosuh’s scent which sent his wolf into a frenzy.

“You smell like your damn heat, go change!” 

“What? Stephen, I can’t go back into heat,” Hosuh rolled his eyes, looking back down at his computer, “It’s way too soon.”

“No, it’s your clothes. Go change or I’m not sure what the hell I’m gonna end up doing!”

Hosuh flushed bright red, setting his laptop down and quickly rushing out of the room. Their bedrooms were right across the hall from one another, so he knew he’d be smelling the lingering traces of it if he wasn’t careful. Stephen understood that Hosuh couldn’t really smell his own natural scent, but that didn’t mean it didn’t suck.

Because now all he could think about was that week he spent with Hosuh and Jay, which he could absolutely not handle at that moment. The only real rule they’d agreed upon for the heat would be that there was no feelings attached, it was purely to help Hosuh, and things would go back to normal once they were done. But no, his stupid Alpha brain couldn’t listen to that ideal and had to destroy his mentality every time he saw Hosuh.

Stephen needed to get this to stop. He’d been in love with Hosuh since highschool, but there was no reason for him to jump him  _ now  _ of all times, other than the time they spent together during the heat royally messed him up. 

Hosuh came walking back downstairs, having changed out of his previous outfit into a new pair of sweatpants and a big hoodie.

“Sorry, I didn’t know it still smelled like my heat,” He said, voice as soft as ever as he sat back down next to Stephen, “Thank you for telling me.”

“No problem, Hosuh.” Stephen responded, staring down at the omega. Every bone in his body wanted to pull him in close, to kiss him senseless until they were both breathless, face red, hands intertwined even as he bit down on his scent gland, causing a scar which would show everyone who exactly he belonged to. Of course, Hosuh would put a matching scar on Stephen, which he was sure would feel fucking  _ amazing- _

_ “Stephen, please-! Stephen, Stephen,  _ are you listening? Stephen? I’m trying to talk to you!”

He blinked rapidly, seeing Hosuh quickly waving his hand in front of his face to try and get his attention. Right. Actual Hosuh. Not his weird idealized-image of Hosuh. “What’s gotten into you? Every time my heat comes up in conversation, you freeze up.”

Shit. Maybe he wasn’t as stealthy about his feelings as he thought he’d been, as Hosuh clearly noticed his lack of tact about the topic. Maybe it would be smart to come forth about his feelings. He could only imagine how badly things could be messed up by the idea that Hosuh wouldn’t want him in the same way. 

So he did what he always did when this topic came up, even if it left a foul, acrid taste in his mouth. He lied.

“I’m alright. It’s just that I’m an Alpha, you’re an omega, you know how it is.”

He did enjoy watching Hosuh get embarrassed at the thought, though he rolled his eyes and went back to his work. Stephen had tried to confess so many times, so so many times, but never was able to go through with it as they always got interrupted or something went wrong. Once, he’d spent the entire day with Hosuh, and planned to confess as the sun set. First, he’d slept late and they couldn't hang out playing games due to summer homework. Then they’d gone to the movies, and Hosuh had needed to sit on his lap due to the height of the people sitting in front of them. They’d gone to the amusement park afterwards, where they’d gotten separated and he found Hosuh crying by the edge of the crowd. His social anxiety had gotten the better of him then, and he’d certainly gotten sick after one of the rollercoasters. 

Then they’d gone to the park, had a lovely picnic, and Stephen had thought it would be a good idea to get him ice cream before confessing. Hosuh loved ice cream. He’d come back to see Hosuh pinned against a tree, scruffed by a female alpha from their school. Needless to say, he didn’t get the chance to admit his feelings that day. 

Stephen was losing his mind now, thinking about the week he’d spent with Hosuh in heat, and the pent up feelings behind it. It would drive him crazy, he knew. 

Maybe he should just confess to the omega, and get the rejection over with.

* * *

Hosuh didn’t remember what happened during his heat. He knew that when he came to his senses, unencumbered by the will of his wolf and the haze of instinct, he and the alphas had gone one more round. Before Jay left, he’d tried to check up on his physical health, but touched somewhere sensitive which set him off back into the headspace of his wolf. 

Something howled within him at that point, saying that Jay wasn’t the right person. He wasn’t right, his omega didn’t want  _ him,  _ it wanted the forest, overcast with rain. It violently recoiled away from the touch, clinging instead to its complement. He only wanted to hold him, to be with him, and something deeper within him wanted to feel safe in his arms. It wanted him full, safe, and pregnant.

Which was why it needed to be buried into the deepest recesses of his mind, never to be touched again. Stephen didn’t like him in the same way Hosuh liked him, that he knew. He’d only been in love with him since high school. He’d tried to confess a handful of times, only for each attempt to do so ended in subsequent disaster. Though there was one in particular which was more of a disaster than all the others. 

It was the first time he attempted to confess, when they were still in high school and he’d thought it was just a crush. They’d been friends for over two years, and he’d try to confess during the summer before Gavin joined them. That summer was cursed, he was convinced of that fact. He’d planned everything, cooking up the perfect picnic for him and his crush. They’d spend the first half of the day playing games at Stephen’s house, since his mother didn’t like the alpha all that much, until noon rolled around. Then, they’d go to the movies. Even though he rarely watched them, Stephen really enjoyed the activity and had mentioned wanting to watch a dramatic comedy which recently came out. After the movie, they’d go to an amusement park until around six thirty or so, when they’d walk to the park, set up the picnic which he’d have waiting in a picnic basket in the car, and that was when he’d confess as the sun set. 

Everything had been planned out, every tiny detail. Nothing could go wrong. 

Except, of course, it did. First, when he showed up at Stephen’s house, the Alpha was still asleep and the rest of his house was in absolute chaos. His sister was standing in the living room wearing nothing but a towel, yelling at her baby brother about something involving not doing the laundry, and Gavin was ignoring her whilst trying to do his summer homework. Quickly he looked away, his face red as their mother apologized for the state of her children before telling him he could go to Stephen’s room, beginning to scold her daughter in cantonese. 

Stephen’s room was a mess. Hosuh got a good idea of what their sister was talking about, with Gavin’s nest obviously not having been washed in some time and the scent was bad enough it could be noticed at the end of the hall. In Hosuh’s mind, their sister was justified in her rant. He had a headache by the time he got to Stephen and Gavin’s room, seeing the Alpha’s side of the room in pristine condition, except for his bed. His bed was a wreck, but it wasn’t worth arguing over. He knelt down next to his friend, taking a moment to admire him and breathe in the scent of the woods in the rain. It made him immensely happy, relaxing his nerves as he gently shook his friend awake. 

Of course, if that had been the only thing that went wrong with his day, it wouldn’t be so bad. Stephen hadn’t done any of his summer homework, so instead of playing games, Hosuh helped the Ng siblings through the problems as he’d completed his honor student work with extra credit as well.  _ Don’t worry,  _ Hosuh had thought,  _ Now we can spend the rest of the day without him worrying about his homework. _

The movie theater was packed once they arrived. He’d bought the tickets already and was about to order popcorn, drinks, and snacks, though Stephen insisted on paying for the snacks and entry to the amusement park afterwards as an apology for his siblings. Normally, he wasn’t so giving when someone else was willing to pay, but Hosuh was thankful for the offer. He overheard some of the workers complaining about how four of their coworkers were out due to heat or rut, leaving them understaffed, and he’d felt his face flush at the thought. 

When they got into the theater for the movie, things were looking up. No one was sitting in their row aside from them, and there was also no one in the two rows behind them. Pretty ideal, right? Wrong. Because the entire row in front of them was filled with people who were really tall, all of them Alphas by the scent of them. While it certainly hadn’t been an issue for Stephen, Hosuh was another story. He could barely see the screen over them, and he inwardly cursed his height, while their scents were so intense that it made his vision swim. He couldn’t even watch the movie, it seemed, until Stephen leaned over after the lights turned off. 

“Sit on my lap, there’s no way you can see. No one will notice, c’mon~” 

He was too embarrassed over the thought of that, of sitting on his crush’s lap, to really put up a fight as Stephen helped him get situated. As an added bonus, the close proximity to him helped cover up the other Alpha scents.

He didn’t remember the movie, he didn’t care about it. This was perfect. He could have spent the whole day like that, except the movie was two hours long and he had a full day planned. He had to compose himself before continuing on with the day, though listening to Stephen laugh and seeing him smile made it all the more difficult. He just… Was really in love with his friend.

The amusement park was interesting, to say the least. People were pushing and shoving everywhere, everyone was yelling, and as soon as they walked into the crowd they were separated. Too many people were talking, they were too close, too loud and so many people were touching him he couldn’t think. There were too many scents, which made his head spin. 

Someone noticed that he was looking lost, asking him if he was okay and getting entirely too close, asking where his mate was and all he wanted was Stephen. No one was safe. Nothing was safe, he’d never been there before, he couldn’t breathe-!

“Oi! Hosuh, there you are!” Stephen’s voice cut through the crowd, and Hosuh looked up to see him reaching out his hand. “Jeez, I can’t take you anywhere, can I?”

“Sorry,” Hosuh whispered, trying not to cry. By nature, he wasn’t a people person, he didn’t like crowds and the thought of it made his gut twist. He’d been in therapy for his anxieties, even had medication for them, but it didn’t stop the feelings. It just made him better at dealing with them. And the number one thing his therapist had told him was to find someone he knew and take them with him so he had some familiarity.

“It’s fine. Let’s just go ride some rides, and have fun. But don’t let go of my hand or you’re gonna get swept away again. ”

Hosuh dot exe had stopped working sometime around then. He could barely speak as they explored, with Stephen intent on having the most fun and going on the highest rollercoasters he could. Hosuh had never been good with motion sickness, barely keeping it together after each ride, but the idea of getting to spend time with Stephen had been worth it. After the fourth ride, the alpha took the initiative to buy lunch and get him some anti-nausea medication as well. 

They continued like that for the next few hours until it was time to go to the park. Luckily, the park wasn’t too populated this late in the day, which was why they’d decided to go this late in the first place. They set up the picnic quickly, with Stephen thanking him for hanging out during the whole day. Everything was perfect. They played a card game while they ate, laughing together as they did. All he needed to do was wait until sunset, which was coming quickly, then confess, and all would be well.

“Hey, I’m gonna get us some ice cream, Hos. Wait here.” Stephen said, getting up from their picnic and heading over to a nearby ice cream cart. Hosuh was about to say something, to ask him to stay, but he had already left.

So he was left alone. Great. It was weird, being left alone when all he wanted to do was confess to his crush, and he hated it. Everything was too quiet, he couldn’t see Stephen, nothing felt right as a result.

There was a sound from a small cluster of trees and bushes nearby, the scent of amber coming to him, which made him recoil. 

“W-Who’s there?” He asked, staring at the origin of the sound. No response directly, but more odd sounds. As dumb as it may be, he decided to check it out. So he stood up, walking over towards the forest cautiously. It didn’t smell like an animal, it was certainly a person. “C-Come on out-t!” 

He entered the cluster of trees, the light slowly fading as he glanced towards the sunset. Suddenly, a hand was on his shoulder, and he reacted before he knew who it was. He turned on the assailant, kicking out as a natural reaction after his self defense training, only to find himself smoothly moved up against a tree face first. 

“Wow, I know you had good reflexes from class, but still.” A voice Hosuh knew came from behind him. His sparring partner from self defense class, another alpha teenager who volunteered to let the omegas practice on her. Why was she there?

“What’re you doing here?” Hosuh asked, struggling against the girl’s grip. He knew they’d been taught how to break one of these pins, but he couldn’t remember how.

“I just saw you here, and wanted to talk. That’s all.”

“Okay, we can talk, but let me go.”

“No, I don’t think I will.” He felt her hot breath against the back of his neck and cringed, “Do you know how many people want you to be their bitch? Or even the other little sigma, once he’s old enough.” 

Sigma, the term for someone who was interbred. An old word for male omegas and female alphas alike, as they were both dynamics which took traits from each gender and nature. Hosuh knew that female Alphas were far more common than male omegas, but he still never expected to hear someone like her say that. Who was the other-? Gavin. A lead weight settled in his stomach.

“There’s no way you’re going to be able to do anything, you and I both know I’ll scream.”

“No you won’t.” She said, and Hosuh felt an intense pressure on the back of his neck, her teeth sinking in as his body went limp against the tree. Her hands, now free from having to restrain him, held him up with her right as the left covered his mouth. 

He couldn’t believe she’d scruffed him. Of all laws, the one law in certain explicit detail in protection for omegas across canada was that on scruffing. Unless the omega was a true danger to themself or others, an unmated omega being purposely scruffed by  _ anyone  _ was illegal. Of course, accidents happened, and sometimes omegas were scruffed by true accident without the intent to hurt them.

But that wasn’t this case. His screams were muffled by her hand, her bite increasing in strength as it forced him into submission. 

She let go of the back of his neck for half a second, and Hosuh heard her take a deep breath, before something made impact with her. Hosuh fell to the ground, looking up and seeing Stephen holding the woman by the front of her shirt. 

“What the hell were you thinking?!” He exclaimed, about to beat her face in when Hosuh let out a groan. Stephen looked over at Hosuh and his grip on her softened, allowing her to get away. He could’ve given chase, he could’ve taken revenge on her, but decided in that moment it wasn’t worth it. He knelt down next to Hosuh, sighing down at his friend.

“Did she hurt you, or just scruff you?” He asked, helping him into a sitting position.

“Just scruffing…” Hosuh mumbled, feeling Stephen move his hair aside. The day had gone so horribly wrong, he didn’t know what to do. Stephen carefully set his hands over Hosuh’s shoulders, using his thumbs to try and release the tension which settled there. It would drastically reduce the time it took for him to be paralyzed, which let Hosuh relax against his friend.

He didn’t get the chance to confess then, obviously. Ever since then, his confession attempts always got destroyed, so Hosuh was certainly convinced that he just wasn’t meant to confess to Stephen. So now, even all these years later, he kept his mouth shut and let it fester.

Probably not the best idea, now that he was sitting next to said Alpha, knowing that they’d spent a week together. He didn’t want to think about it, because the thought was too embarrassing, especially with how he’d reacted after. It scared him, just a little, how much these pent up feelings were taking over his life. 

Maybe he should just confess to the Alpha, and get the rejection over with.

* * *

Dan was visiting his brother for the weekend, as Jay took a trip and Anne’s heat had hit, which meant that Stephen and Hosuh had the house to themselves. 

_ This is it,  _ they thought with dread in their stomachs,  _ this can’t go on any longer. Tonight, I’m confessing.  _

Hosuh was fidgeting all day, even as he cooked in the kitchen for dinner. He’d decided to make homemade mac and cheese, something he particularly enjoyed eating and cooking. Stephen was actually the one who suggested it, even if it was boring, but he was a boring person, and he was fine with that. It was all in good fun, and Stephen had never said he disliked his cooling no matter what he made. So it would be fine. The Alpha in question was sitting in the living room, reviewing his notes for class on Monday, drinking hot chocolate with a very small amount of cinnamon. 

He didn’t know why, but the thought made him so inexplicably happy. They’d been cooking together up until Stephen decided to go review his notes, because he needed to ace the next test. Hosuh had taken care of the sauce and roasted breadcrumbs while Stephen made the pasta, so it was a team effort for the most part.

Overall, it was very domestic. Almost too domestic. Dinner was in the oven, so Hosuh quickly cleaned up the counters and head backed into the living room. He immediately settled down next to him, trilling softly as he did. Absentmindedly, Stephen reached over and ran his fingers through his silver hair, humming as he did so. 

“I love this…” Hosuh sighed, “It’s so calm without Dan and all the recording.”

“That’s true. How long until dinner?”   
“About thirty to forty five minutes.”

“Right. Wanna watch an episode of whatever you’re watching recently?”

“I don’t wanna distract from your studying.” 

Stephen set his notebook down, stopping his petting of his friend. “It’s fine. C’mon, let's watch some anime, we already cooked together.”

Hosuh was absolutely sure those were the most romantic words ever uttered throughout human history. 

Stephen was doing his best to try and impress Hosuh. He knew how much Hosuh loved cooking, and cooking together at that, so he’d volunteered to make the omega’s favorite food with him. Though they both knew if he was given more responsibility than just making the pasta, it was likely the whole house would go up in smoke. Hosuh always made such an effort to make everyone else happy, it was worth making a day all about what Hosuh liked. 

So he offered to watch whatever anime Hosuh was currently into. Something about a doll learning to love, he didn’t understand, although the animation was gorgeous. Everything was going swimmingly, almost perfect, but he knew better than to say that. The second that he did, everything would go downhill.

It wasn’t worth going through how he knew.

Something was going on with the characters, a daughter talking to the doll about spending so much time with her mom, and Hosuh was beginning to cry. 

“Is something wrong, Hosuh?”

“It- She loves her mama, so much…” 

“Oh my god.” Stephen couldn’t help chuckling, rolling his eyes as he did. Hosuh nuzzled him softly, curling up on the couch. 

The timer for dinner went off way too quickly.

“I’ll get it.” Hosuh said, getting up from the couch before Stephen got the chance to try to move. “It’s hot so wait like ten minutes, then we can eat.” 

“Okay, Hosuh. So, run me through the whole idea of this anime.”

“It’s her goal to understand love, in all the forms it comes in. So she can understand her feelings for the major.”

“You have to be in love to understand it, and even then it doesn’t usually make sense.” 

“I guess. But we’re all convinced she’s in love, so she’s trying to understand. I mean, I love you, and I don’t understand that.”

“I love you too, Hosuh.”

… What? They both paused for a second, looking at each other. Hosuh was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, Stephen on the couch, simultaneous looks of shock and horror on their faces. 

“D-Did you just say you love me?” Hosuh asked, his voice wavering as he spoke. He didn’t believe it. He wanted to, he wanted so badly to believe that Stephen had said he loved him. But that wasn’t how things worked. And if it was, what the actual hell? He’d spent so long trying to confess, made so many plans, but none of them worked out, only for a slip of the tongue to be his undoing?

“Hey, don’t act like you didn’t say it first!” Stephen exclaimed, his temper flaring as usual with his scent.

“Is it true?”

“What? Oh my God Hosuh of course I love you! I thought you didn’t love me so I wasn’t gonna say it!”

“You thought I didn’t love you? I thought  _ you _ didn’t love  _ me _ , so  _ I  _ was not going to say anything!”

“What the hell?! I’ve loved you since we were in high school!”

“Me too!” 

“Okay, then come here and kiss me!” 

Hosuh’s body reacted before he knew what he was doing. He walked over to the couch, sitting down on Stephen’s lap, and kissed the Alpha with all the passion in his body. Finally, it felt right. Wrapped in one another’s arms, their whole worlds put on pause until their fit of passion had passed. But it wasn’t going to pass for quite some time, not with the amount of pent up wants and desires within them.

“Can I bite you? Will you be mine?” Stephen asked when they broke for air, grinning as Hosuh nodded.

“I’ve been wanting you to ask me that since we graduated. Let’s be mates, Stephen.”

They didn’t get back to the mac and cheese until the next morning, too happy about the mutual love and bond which had formed between them.

Neither of them wanted to explain to their friends when they got back.


	2. What comes next?

  1. 1 last omegaverse fic with a pregnant Hosuh in this universe. (Possibly 18+)
  2. SuperHero AU (No Smut but undecided Rating)
  3. Pocket Hosuh (PG13)
  4. Jaystosuh (18+)
  5. Jaystosuh (PG13)
  6. Physical Disability 
  7. Trapped inside/in a cabin/snowed in
  8. Vampire AU
  9. Soulmate AU (Submit your own version of preference)
  10. Personality swap.
  11. Idol AU
  12. Royals AU
  13. Artists AU
  14. Something not ActuallyOddPlan



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys wanna see next from these options, please?

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, thank you! I'm sure you guys are all curious as to why this says there is more than one chapter. In the second chapter, there will be a short list of what might be coming, and you the readers get to pick. I want to write something that you guys enjoy, so let me know what you guys think?


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